A rough day at work.

Have you ever had a day at work that was going pretty good and then wham, something happen?  Today was like that for me. Its Friday, absolutely gorgeous outside (for February) and your actually getting stuff done.  Set up for the next day’s business.  Yes there are things you could be doing but you are looking forward to have those 15 minutes where everything is ready enough that you can just chill. That was my day today.  A days worth of work, a little bit of goofing off, comradeship with your coworkers. Everything a great Friday is made of.  Then I got asked to head back to the bosses office for a few minutes. This instantly puts me on edge.  While I’m thinking “what did I do wrong” I’m running through the past few days and trying to come up with something.  That way maybe I can explain but nothing comes to mind. So off I go. With pen and paper.  The meeting starts off with a reminder that at my place of employment there is a 6 month probation period.  My thoughts “holy crap, what have I done?!? Do I need to start looking for another job?”  And then the tears start.  I try to hold them off but they just happen.  So this is what I get out of the meeting. No clue about my job security. They like me as a person but… I need to pay attention.  If I have questions, ask my not boss boss.  Which that is a half hour of confusing explanation, so I will spare you.  Oh and just don’t say anything. I work in a setting with patients and  students. If a patient asks or says something, I just need to refer them to the student.  If a student asks something tell them to ask someone else. Like their teacher.  So really, I just have to act like I don’t know anything about the field I’ve been working in for the last 10 years of my life.  Oh and that I can’t problem solve on my own.  Oh and that I just can’t think for myself.  While I’m digesting this information the meeting moves on to remind me that I am still learning, and will be for at least the full first year I am here.  Now that I’ve been crying i have to go back out to face my fellow secretary and the students and it is blatantly obvious that I’ve been crying. So some, that I’ve rather liked ask discreetly if I’m OK. To which I answer yes, and that everything will be alright when I don’t really know.  But I make it through the last half hour and my boss/not boss and my boss (they carpool) kinda wait around to see if I’m going to make it or get everything shut down or I don’t know what. So now I’m home and keeping it together… right? Bleh. My husband has been home all evening and has gotten to play his games and just fiddle and isn’t hungry so hasn’t thought about dinner and its not his fault but I just want to get in the car and drive and forget it ever happened.
What do I do now? My plan is laundry and I don’t know what, I guess just enjoy the weekend and do the best I can on Monday. I can’t help but wonder, will it be enough? My 6 months ends March 1, I think. Maybe that’s why she kept asking if I was happy working here. I just hope they don’t put me on another 6 month probationary period, I guess if they do I just have to keep giving it the best I can. And it would be preferable to just being fired. Its hard to believe I am in this position. Usually by now I have almost complete trust and the reigns to my job have been completely handed over to me. Not here though.
I think I’m going to go bake something. That always makes me feel better. Cinnamon rolls or molasses cookies. Maybe I will let you know how they turn out. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.  I’m sure going to try.

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